Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you are I hope you have blue skies and let’s talk about sex toys. Welcome to That Other Lifestyle podcast. I am your host Jayson, leave Vanilla behind as we dive into the Lifestyle.
Sex toys. Glorious vibrating, pulsing, shaking sex toys. You know you got them. You know you hide them. You know they are fun. Today, sex toy safety.
What do I have going on? National Lifestyle Weekend is next year June 19-21, 2025. A very nice listener pointed out that the last episode I said July. That was wrong. It is in June next year. Tickets are available on my website, Thatotherlifestyle.com. Three hotels, topless pools, a giant foam party, after parties every night all over town.
Have you been to my website lately? Go look right now or later today. I publish a blog often. I try for daily posts, but life gets in the way. So let’s say two or three times a week, that’s a fair estimate for new posts. Still have good stuff on there.
The Men’s Guide to Flirting in the Lifestyle will be launching the first week of October. To celebrate, I am hosting a free webinar on SDC on October 3. Come on hang out with me. Everybody come on it will be fun. Like a theme park, minus the rides and screaming children. All details are available under the That Other Lifestyle group on SDC. Go join the group.
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Please note this podcast is intended only for adults. Not safe for work. We will talk about adult or sexual topics, and I will use salty language, often. This content is for entertainment purposes only and again only for those over 18 years of age.
I also try to be as inclusive with my language and terms as I can. It can be challenging to formulate and write and say all the inclusive terms in every instance. For simplicity's sake and time management, I may use terms like husband or wife or partner, or spouse for the purpose of the narrative I am sharing. This podcast is for everyone though, no matter your background, gender identity, gender expression, or whatever truth you may be living. Everyone is welcome no matter how you personally experience the lifestyle and ethical non-monogamy.
Safety is one of the core pillars of the Lifestyle along with fun and consent. Safety, encompassing physical and mental health, also includes sex toy safety. Using sex toys safely. Using them responsibly. Making sure the toys you are using are safe for contact with and insertion into the human body.
Ever pondered what the 10-inch dildo you are waving around a lifestyle party is made out of? I have. Is it safe to use for physical pleasure? We need to put on our science lab coats for this one. I went way down the rabbit hole and learned a bunch of cool information about sex toys and now I am going to share it with you, cause all these facts I am pretty sure pushed out more useful information in my head like the quadratic formula, fuck you math, and hopefully it will do the same to you.
Sex toys. For as long as humans have been humans, humans have been figuring out ways to use objects other than humans to get off. Science nerds discovered a stone phallic shaped object in Germany over 28,000 years old. 8 inches long and shaped like a pecker. There is some debate on whether it was used for purely symbolic purposes or sex. I am leaning towards sex. If I put that much effort into making a stone dildo, somebody is going to use it and I am going to watch.
Throughout history, phallic shaped objects have been made from wood, jade, stone, ivory, clay, and leather. The evidence for vagina replicas for sexual pleasure is not as diverse. Sex toys are not new nor revolutionary. What is revolutionary is power.
During the Victorian Era, you know that time in history, 19th century which turned all of western civilization into prudes. Women were diagnosed with hysteria. Symptoms included anxiety, irritability and sexual frustration. Hysteria is caused by wandering womb syndrome. These women needed to get off.
To treat womanly hysteria, a doctor would perform a pelvic massage, manually inducing an orgasm via clitoral stimulation. Totally not sexual by the way, this was medical. I guess they wanted to bring the womb back under control with an orgasm. Science is amazing. Naturally doctors would get tired of all this rubbing on women’s clitorises all day, side note they were little bitches.
Dr. George Taylor, being a little bitch about getting women off all day, invented a steam powered Manipulator, as he called it, in 1869. Industrial revolution in full swing. The first handheld vibrator or muscle massager was invented by Dr. Joesph Mortimer Granville in the 1880s. He originally designed the device for male muscle pain specifically. And another doctor looked it and said, oh this could help with me rubbing clits all day.
Fast forward a little bit more. The 1970s. Mail order catalogues in the primitive years before the internet. Along with wonderful space age technology like the hand-held vacuum and the touch tone phone, tucked away neatly in the corner of a page would be an ad for a back massager. White cylinder about 7 inches long, tapered end, that vibrated. Yes these devices are still being sold in mail order catalogs right now, as back massagers.
Sex toys have come a long way since then. Now we have all kinds and shapes of devices to help you and your spouse, and your friends get off, solo and together. The internet has given everyone access to sex toys in ways that previous generations could not fathom. In the old days, you had to visit a seedy sex shop on the edge of town, sneak in, grab a pecker. They would put it into a black bag then you speed away into the night hoping no one saw you. Now you can fulfill your hedonistic desires from the comfort of your own home.
But with the internet, there has been a proliferation of unsafe toys flooding the market. Unsafe in terms that the material these toys are made out of that could potentially be hazardous to a person. One time insertion fine but if you use these things habitually, yeah there might be concerns. That’s why I wanted to do this episode. Inspired by a few events over the years that coalesced into an idea for an episode.
I was super curious a few weeks ago about making sex toys. Specifically silicone sex toys so I spent a couple of hours watching videos and doing research on how to make sex toys. I hope to make my own once I acquire the supplies. But in the meantime, I figure I should share all the fun science stuff I learned with y’all.
Broadly speaking in giant generalizations here. You get what you pay for. That shiny big thick dildo on line for a dirt-cheap price, probably not something you should insert into a human. Quality matters. Quality cost money though. That’s why I want to make my own. I have seen dildos that border on works of art and cost the equivalent of a work of art. So fuck that, I will make my own.
Yeah, you get what you pay for with sex toys. If the price seems too good to be true, the seller has no website, it is drop shipped from a factory overseas, I would caution against it. Most quality sex toys are made in your own country, probably by small suppliers, which I fully support and encourage you to support them with your business.
Poor planned segue into a new topic, usage. First rule of sex toys don’t share sex toys without cleaning them first. Women, all women, have a vaginal microbe that needs to be in balance to avert nasty conditions like UTIs and yeast infections. The vaginal microbe is very susceptible to invasion by other person’s bodily fluids. Do not stick a sex toy in one person, pull it out and then insert it into a different person without cleaning it.
If you are in a setting where sex toys are being shared among multiple women, it is best practice to rinse it off between people. This is the same reason guys should switch condoms between having sex with multiple partners. You don’t want to transfer body fluids from one woman to another woman via insertion. Simple alternative, use a condom. Put a condom on the dildo, change partners, change condoms.
I know realistically though in the heat of the moment, you don’t want to stop the fun to run over to a sink in another room and wash off the sex toys. Sharing best practice though. At a minimum wipe it off if you can. That’s why my dream sex room will have a sink and a dishwasher.
Picture this. A snazzy sex room, two or three beds. Maybe a sex swing. Bean bag chairs for relaxing. A couch with big arms. Then behind a wall, you have a butler’s pantry. Where you can store everything and a sink and a dishwasher for clean up. Easy place to keep towels and extra lube.
There was a show on Netflix about building sex rooms called How to Build a Sex Room. Really interesting show. The host meets with a person or a couple then designs and builds a sex room to match their interests. It gave me lots of good ideas. The only thing I ding the show for is, I don’t think they ever put a sink in the sex room. If I had unlimited money, I am running new plumbing cause I want this.
For cleaning of sex toys, I have a rule. All sex toys must be able to be hand washed or ideally thrown in the dishwasher. The dishwasher is the absolute best way to clean and sanitize sex toys. Hand washing is fine with hot water and soap if you don’t like the idea of putting dildos in the dishwasher.
I have a rule all sex toys we own must be able to be put into the dishwasher. I know you may have tiny little roommates that don’t pay bills who get up super early, demanding cheerios and whatever kids eat for breakfast, and they might find those dildos in the dishwasher. I don’t have a recommendation for that besides getting up in the middle of night and put them away. Set an alarm for 3am, grab the sex toys and shuffle off back to bed.
I must confess I am guilty of not cleaning the toys immediately after a wild night. I get up in the morning, go to make my coffee and there is a row of sex toys, standing like neon sentinels of debauchery, evidence of a night remembered through hazy eyes, by the sink waiting to be cleaned. I curse past Jayson for not cleaning up after himself.
I want to talk about silicone sex toys first. Because silicone sex toys have the highest chance, based on absolutely nothing but my own conjecture of being unsafe. There are many types of silicone and many ways to treat silicone as in create a shape with this material, then let it cure into a solid form. Some of these methods are cheap and fast and not safe, other methods are safer and more complicated and thereby cost more.
Bring on the science, silicon is a synthetic polymer made from silicon, oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. It is easy to mold, durable and flexible. The composition determines whether a product is safe for human use, i.e. put it in your body.
High quality silicone tends to be non-porous, heat resistant, hypoallergenic, flexible and soft, plus easy to sterilize. All these properties combined make silicone a great choice for sex toys. The issue is there are different types and grades of silicone. Some companies may try to pass off products that are not suitable for human use. Good silicone toys cost more than bad silicone toys. Cost can be your best indicator of whether a toy is body safe.
I’m teaching yall all kinds of useful information today. Medical-Grade silicone is the highest quality silicone. Usually made in a lab to exacting specifications. This type is used for healthcare products like implants and prosthetics. This means expensive but worth it. Not sure if you will encounter products that claims to be medical grade silicone in the wild. I will say in most cases, it’s bullshit. This product is very expensive and you aren’t going to find dildos made from medical grade silicone on a random sex toy website or Amazon. Or Temu. Or Shein.
Next on the scale is platinum-cured silicone. Silicone can be cured or hardened either chemically or with an additive as a catalyst. Platinum cured silicone uses platinum which is a naturally inert element. For sex toys, this is the grade you want to look for. I recommend checking out independent sellers who can verify the composition of their toys versus grabbing the cheapest option off amazon.
I love independent sellers of sex toys. Small shops that create good products. They can help you figure out the firmness you are want, the design, the aesthetic of the piece. Support small sex toys businesses please.
Food-Grade silicone, still body safe, not as high quality. It is designated as safe for contact with food and the human body. Note the important word, contact, not insertion. This is silicone cutting or baking mats.
Tin Cured silicone, instead of using platinum as the hardening agent, tin is used instead. Tin is used because it is less expensive than platinum. Usually used in cheaper sex toys. The problem is long term, tin cured silicone is prone to breaking down and could leach chemicals. And it is less resistant to bacteria unlike platinum cured sex toys. Oh and it smells. Like noticeably smells. Platinum cured silicone has no odor.
Finally hybrid silicone. Avoid these. Big nope right here. The silicone is mixed with cheaper materials like thermoplastic rubber and other fillers, which you don’t know what the hell those fillers are. They might only have a small percentage of silicone, enough to say this is a silicone sex toy and have barely any silicone in it. Not body safe at all. Rubber is not safe for insertion into the human body.
And the manufacturers will not say it is hybrid silicone. They won’t mention any kind of silicone in the product. In the product listing, they may lie. I promise they will straight up lie. So what do you do as a smart consumer? Again, if the price is too good to be true. It is. I still recommend buying from small suppliers, people who know what they are doing.
One caveat is Cyberskin. A relatively new sex toy materials, I say new I remember when it came on the market, could not tell you when. Cyberskin, like the name implies, feels like skin. Super squishy, retains heat well, it is designed to mimic human skin.
Cyberskin is silicone combined with other polymers. Yeah it feels like skin but it is way more porous than traditional silicone, requires a bitch amount of upkeep and is harder to clean. I ain’t a fan. Sex toys should not require maintenance. Cyberskin requires dusting with cornstarch and more careful storage. The silicone lining in Fleshlights is Cyberskin for instance.
A good sex toy, you can throw it into a box and when pull it out to use it, still sex toy, not a sticky smelly mess.
When you are shopping for new silicone sex toys, a key phrase you should look for is phthalate free. Pretty sure I am going to butcher that word. P-H-T-H-A-L-A-T-E. Phthalates are harmful for the body, as in toys that contain these chemicals are not safe to put up your vagina.
Look for products that say medical grade or platinum cured silicone. That means the product is high quality, non-porous and safe. Non-porous is a big deal. Tiny microscopic pores in the toy can harbor bacteria and other nasties. You may also see the words “FDA-Approved” on toys, this one is rare though and tends to apply to Food Grade silicon.
Other terms to look for are hypoallergenic and latex free. Latex free is a big deal. If someone has a latex allergy and you stick an object made of latex into the most sensitive orifice on their body, that will lead to a very bad time.
Let’s say you already own a few silicone toys and after hearing me talk about this you are super curious about whether your toys are safe. There are a few methods to test them but short of a laboratory, you won’t know for absolutely sure unless you check the original packaging.
Want to test out that toy? You could use fire. Fire. Sweet glowing fire. This has the potential to ruin the toy but if you are curious and want to say fuck it, get a lighter. Do this outside too. Cheap silicone could release toxic vapors. Get the lighter, put the flame to an small area. Pure silicone will not burn or melt. It will turn white or possibly char without significant burning or damage to the toy. Ever seen one of those silicone baking mats that can handle temperatures up to 900 degrees. Same concept. Cheap, unsafe, chemically treated silicone will produce black smoke or melt. If it melts, throw it out.
If you adverse to setting your toys on fire, the smell test. When you open a new sex toy, if the product is body safe, there is no smell. Cheap toys made with non-body safe materials will have a very distinct, strong, pungent odor when you open the package. If it stinks, throw it out.
The feel test. Body safe silicone is smooth, soft and not sticky. If the toy feels tacky or leaves a residue on your hands, it ain’t safe. If its sticky throw it out.
Finally body safe silicone is tough. You can pull it and stretch it and the toy should return to its original shape. If it does not, or it tears, throw it out.
Storing these silicone sex toys. Ideally every toy will be stored in its own protective sleeve. Plastic is good, so think freezer bag is best. A silk or cloth bag for each toy is good too. I say individual bags or storing separately because and I learned this the hard way and one of the reasons I wanted to write this episode. This happened a few years ago but has always stuck in my brain.
We had a nice platinum silicone sex toy and me, being a drunken idiot one night, stored it next to, touching a not so safe silicone toy. The not so safe silicone toy melted my nice platinum silicone toy. Made it all mushy. Which was one of the inspirations for this episode. Me trying to figure out why and keeping that question in my brain for a long time.
I have beat everyone over the head with this talk about silicone sex toys, switching gears to vibrators. These can be happy little bullets you hide in your purse or gyrating monstrosities. One of the coolest products I have ever seen, a vibrating necklace. Tee tiny little gold rod that has a secret function as a vibrator. That’s so cool.
Vibrators work by providing vibrations, self-explanatory right there, to delicate areas. Traditionally on the clitoris but men can enjoy the stimulation as well. A little bullet on the frenulum, that’s good times.
Walking through the different kinds of vibrators, bullet vibrators. Small, discrete, used for external stimulation. Older models were rounded on both ends but manufactures finally got the memo that women need directed vibrations so you can find newer models with pointed tips to get up in there. Big drawback is power. Small motor and probably short battery life.
Batteries. We need to talk about batteries. Nothing like that moment when your wife says sure, I will show you this toy in action and the batteries are dead then you have to go scavenge batteries from a remote on the other side of the house. Rechargeable batteries are the best and I am super happy toys now have integrated rechargeable batteries.
If you have sex toy and the batteries have corroded, I guess this works for any instance where you have corroded batteries there is a way to fix it. Take the batteries out carefully, avoid getting the white powder on your skin. It’s not going to eat through your skin, double AA batteries are not that strong. Wear gloves if you want. Batteries are out now we need to deal with the corrosion, that white powder inside the battery compartment. Turn to your trusty friend vinegar.
Take a Q-Tip, dip it into vinegar and give it a healthy brushing on the positive and negative prongs, parts, metal bits. Do it somewhere with good ventilation. I am not positive that the fizzing that happens is noxious but be safe. To rinse it off, dab on a healthy brushing of water and leave to air dry. The vinegar will react with battery corrosion and neutralize it. Put in new batteries and you should be good to go.
Other types of vibrators. The magic wand. About a foot long, bulbous head, lots of vibrations. Originally Hitachi, the first manufacturer of this toy designed and sold it as a massager in the 1970s. When the company executives learned what women were really doing with it, they discontinued it as they did not want their product associated with sex. Or at least that is the legend. Not sure if Hitachi still makes this one but there are plenty of alternatives. Upside usually uses an electrical cord so no concerns about it running out of power, downside, the vibrations can be too intense for some women.
G-Spot Vibrators. Some women love them, some women are meh on them. They are curved wands designed for inserting into the vagina and hitting the G-spot.
Rabbit Vibrators have two motors. One in the tip and a second motor on an external rabbit attachment. The name comes from that external attachment having two prongs to cradle the clitoris and direct stimulation to the clitoris.
Another type of vibrator is air pulse or suction. Relatively new, these vibrators create pulses of air to stimulation the clitoris versus direct contact. The infamous Rose is a good example. For the right woman, these toys are amazing. Quick orgasms. Highly recommend checking these out.
Dudes. Those with penises. Sharing a pro tip here. Vibrating cock ring. Silicone vibrating cock ring. A traditional cock ring, usually silicone or even metal, which fucking terrifies me, goes over the base of the shaft or the balls and shaft to keep blood in an erect penis. I say metal cock rings terrifies me because if something goes wrong that is a trip to the emergency room and bolt cutters to get it off. But you do you.
Now vibrating cock rings. Oh these are game changes. Have you ever looked a penis and thought, that’s pretty good but I sure wish it vibrated. Now it can. There are variations out there with this little bullshit motor, all it does is buzz. If you are going to get one, get a beefy one. Big motor. You want to feel those vibrations. These might not work for everyone’s anatomy, either the guy doesn’t like the sensation, or the woman can’t find the right spot for it to hit. Still fun to experiment with.
I would be remiss if I did not mention butt plugs or anal plugs. These gnarly little bastards, safety very important y’all. You know why butt plugs have or at least should have a big, flared base? So they don’t get sucked up into the butt. It happens. The thought terrifies me deep in my soul. I have heard horror stories.
Butt plugs need to be made from a material that is easy to clean. Come on, it’s going up the butt. Metal or silicone. I say stick with metal overall. Easiest to clean. And the shape, it needs a big, flared base, non-negotiable. And smooth. Needs to be very smooth, no wild shapes here.
Butt plugs do come in different sizes depending on preference. Butt plugs are one toy I recommend buying in person so you can check the size and diameter. Ordering these online has been hit or miss. Does the measurement they give refer to the base size or the bulb? What’s the length? Diameter? Butt plugs do have fun options. Like remote control lights. Or vibrations.
I hate I have to say this but I need to say this. Do not share butt plugs. No. No. That is a supremely bad idea. You clean and sanitize those before you do any swapping of butt plugs. I hate I have to say this too but I need to say this as well. Do not swap toys between the vagina and butt. No. Once a toy touches the butt, it is out of play for the vagina.
I realize I have been talking about sex toys in a very set dichotomy, male and female toys, vaginal or penile stimulation. Which is great for cis gendered heteronormative people. And that is the exact audience I want to make aware of gender neutral or gender inclusive sex toys. Not everyone enjoys penetration or clitoral stimulation or maybe they want toys that are not confined to specific gender identities. Don’t sleep on gender neutral or gender inclusive sex toys. These things are wild.
These toys a very versatile. Maybe the point of vibration is moved towards the tip of the device or there are interesting shapes for stimulating nipples. The manufactures tend to be smaller companies which use body safe materials. Some toys are adjustable and customizable like strap on or harnesses which is cool for all body shapes and sizes. Another point in their favor is non anatomical realism. Look there are people out there that want to use a dildo, and they would prefer that dildo not be dick shaped with veins and a head.
Because these companies focus on just pleasure instead of accuracy they have wild designs. One recommendation is a vibrating stroker. It’s a silicone pad with a vibrator in the middle. Imagine the hand jobs or playful rubbing. Think outside the box, think outside gendered sex toys and try something new.
Sex toy storage. Where the hell do you store all these toys? Where do you put them where no one will find them? How crazy do you want to get?
Nightstand next to the bed is the usual go to spot. But what about sneaky people or tiny roommates that go to elementary school and don’t pay the bills that live in your house? Sometimes you have to get creative. A nightstand is a good option, you could get a piece of balsa wood from any craft store, make a false bottom to a drawer. I am going to throw out a bunch of craft ideas here. If any resonate with you, yah new craft project this weekend.
Throw pillows with a zipper are another good option. Get a cloth bag, put the toys in the bag, shove it in the throw pillow and put it in an unassuming place in your bed room. There are blankets with built in storage.
Completely off topic right here. Sex furniture is expensive, you are paying for that word sex in the description. Look for yogi furniture instead. Promise same furniture, cheaper price.
Bookshelves with hollow books. Under the mattress is always a good option until you eventually move the mattress and have dildo shaped indents on the underside. You are an adult, you can put whatever furniture you want in your bedroom. An ottoman in your bed room is not completely out of place because it doubles as a spot to sit down and put on your shoes.
Speaking of shoes. If it is a small sex toy, slide it into a shoe, preferably clean shoes or even a shoe box will work. Make up bags in the bathroom. Depending on the size of your collection, any box with a lock will work. If there is no clasp, that’s an easy fix with a trip to the hardware store and a few bucks. Garment bag hanging in the closet, mixed in with all your other clothes.
I need to share a tip a friend couple turned us on to. Get a silicone dildo and put it in the freezer. Don’t cringe there is a reason. You just made an internal ice pack. If you have a very vigorous sex session or maybe an orgy or your vagina just took a literal beating, an ice pack can help. An internal ice pack can certainly help. Make sure it is not too cold. Good thing about silicone is it does not freeze, still going to be chilly. Judge the temperature accordingly and use your best judgement. Don’t leave it in there forever either. Just a few minutes.
I know there is a lot more to say about sex toys that I can’t cover here and give justice to the topic so next week tune in for part 2.
I always appreciate hearing your feedback and comments on episodes or suggestions for topics, so feel free to reach out to me. Men’s Guide to Flirting in the Lifestyle course is coming next week. Go to Thatotherlifestyle.com next week to get the course.
My personal disclaimer, I am not a medical professional nor a trained and certified educator of any kind in any way. I am a guy with a microphone, sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only and please join us for the next episode.
Whatever you may do today, I hope it is a fantastic time doing it. Know that you are appreciated and loved. Have a great day.
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