Episode 90

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you are I hope you have blue skies, a breeze on your back and sand between your toes. Welcome to That Other Lifestyle podcast. I am your host Jayson, leave Vanilla behind as we talk about the witching hour.

This show is for adults only. We will talk about sex, relationships, the lifestyle, and Ethical non-monogamy in an honest way with lots of real talk. If you are under 18, this is your only warning to go find a different show right now. Around here, on the beaches of sex freedom, consent, education and good times, everyone is welcome, lifestyle, vanilla or the curious. Whatever your gender identity, expression, truth, flavor you are welcome here. I do my best to use inclusive language, though you may hear words like husband or wife or man or woman to keep things simple.

Want to connect? Send me at email to host@thatotherlifestyle.com. Go to my website, thatotherlifestyle.com and use my promo code TOL15 for 15% off your order at STDHero.com. Testing takes a community to make a difference so get STI tested and be safe out there. For the best lifestyle parties, check out risquelifestyleparties.com. We love their vibe, attitude and always have fun and I promise you will too.

Hello. I did not do an episode last week, you may have noticed. My dog died. That’s it. No grand adventures to share. My dog, my friend of 17 years, passed away last week. I was not in a proper state to write or record an episode. Gave myself grace on that. I am back this week. I am back to talk about a single hour. Or a night or a day. The last hour, the last night, the last day. Your last chance.

This episode comes with a story setting it up. This episode is about the witching hour. If you are around long enough, you learn, you know when the night shifts, the energy changes. The conversations mutate from where you live to what your play style is. Questions get more direct and the answers matter more.  People stand closer, lean in more, ask more, want more. A time when people realize what is at stake as the clock ticks ever onward. They roll the dice, if they win, sex. If they lose, quiet trek back to their empty hotel room.

Talking about the witching hour. What the fuck is that, Jason? I will tell you.

For New Year’s Eve, we were at the Risque party in Baton Rouge. The next Risque party is Mardi Gras, March 13-15, 2026, tickets are available at risquelifestyleparties.com. We will be there, looking fabulous and you should come party with us. But Jason, that is after Mardi Gras, how can there be a Mardi Gras party after Mardi Gras. Mardi Gras is in February this year. The host of the party, this is smart, throws his Mardi Gras themed party after Mardi Gras so we don’t have to worry about juggling parades and balls and real Mardi Gras activities. Still use the same costumes though. March 13-15, 2026. Risquelifestyleparties.com.

This story happened, this idea gestated on December 30^th, the night before New Year’s Eve. Percolated in my brain at about 12:28 am that night because a friend told me about it. Set the stage for everyone.

Prior to the party, my wife and I talked on the ride over and decided no fuckery with anyone on this trip. It was an easy conversation. It is an easy conversation for us now. I can see for newbies this might be hard to articulate and work through. It is worth it though.

No fuckery for us. My wife wants to dance all night and depending on my mood, I usually want to hang out with people versus getting naked. Making this decision ahead of time is liberating because we don’t have to worry about the witching hours.

We don’t have to line anything up ahead of time. No awkward conversations. No need to hold time and space for anyone. Oh look the guy with the lifestyle swinger podcast decided to be no swap for two nights. Yes, it is a valid fucking choice we can make, and you can do it to. We are welcomed in lifestyle spaces without the intention of rubbing our wet genitals on other wet genitals. Here’s a secret. Going to blow some minds, lots of people make this choice before a party or event starts, which can make the witching hour tricky for others.

I encourage people to have these conversations as a couple ahead of time. Nothing worse than you meet a sexy couple, bring them to your spouse and have to decide in that moment, hey, are we going to go have sex with these relative strangers right now? Are we going to go to a second location and put our mouths on each other’s genitals.

And that other couple, they are watching this, this marital negotiation. They are doing the same thing as you are and it’s awkward. I love watching Awkward, being a part of it, not so much anymore. I can’t handle that shit. I see this happen though. Talk ahead of time. Talk through plans. Talk through possibilities.

Think about the perspective of the couple that is propositioning you and your spouse. They are interested in you two but now they are pulled into an awkward silent conversation between you and your spouse, while y’all figure out what you want to do next. Save lots of headaches and decide ahead of time whether you are open to fuckery that night.

And because I am on a tangent now, there is this middle ground, middle answer. Well we could be open to fuckery with the right couple tonight but not really looking for anything. Cool, you are leaving your possible escapades up to chance. That’s called gambling and the house always wins. At least at a minimum know whether you and your spouse are open to having sex with other people, don’t have to name them in that moment, but clear this up before the party starts.

One of our friend couples were at the Risque party, love them. They are wonderful people. And funny enough they also decided to go no swap for this party. I make this sound so harsh. It’s not. My wife’s attitude is she wears these elaborate costumes that she doesn’t want to take off just to fuck around. She would rather dance all night. Me. I am the unreliable narrator observing the chaos, so I don’t care. I am good with it. Anyone I really want to fuck, I can make plans with another night.

Our friends, same spot. They wanted to dance and party all night. I mention this because someone is going to think why didn’t you just fuck your friends that night? Because we don’t have to fuck around at every party with everyone we know. We can establish healthy boundaries with our friends depending on the night. Anyway. I digress. Story time.

It is about 12:30am. At Risque the DJ changes around midnight. DJ Fabz always plays from 9-12 then another DJ comes on. There is a subtle change in the air when that happens. Like gazelle noticing a lion in the grass. People start scanning the crowd, looking, wanting. Go to enough parties and you notice the shift. You can feel it. A wave of oh shit mixed with horny. Metric shit ton more eye contact happening. Even house parties this will happen. There is an awkward silence and then boom someone is naked and looking to grab a dick.

You learn to recognize it. Some people live for it. Means their chances of getting laid just increased. You feel the energy start to flux and flow and bend and bulge. This is the witching hour.

The term witching hour has its origins in medieval European folklore. It refers to a time late at night, usually after midnight, where supernatural forces, like ghosts and spirits are at their strongest. People believed this was the time when witches were active doing spooky shit. By the 18^th century, writers used the term like I am today to describe a time of night where weird things happen. I use this kindly and no offense to anyone. It just fits for what I need to talk about today.

This is not just an hour either. It could be the last day of a cruise, the last night of a hotel takeover, the last hour of the party, the last elevator ride back to a hotel room. We have been to takeovers where that last night, we got hit on hard, all night. People we had never spoken to before decided it was time to take their shot. Yes, people will ask to have sex with you before they know your name. It’s pretty cool I will admit.

At one takeover, my wife and I were hanging out in the lobby of the ballroom, because it was too damn hot inside, we had numerous people approach us. Numerous people tried different approaches on us. Here is a bit of advice, if someone asks you to go back to their room, they want to fuck you. Oh no Jason not in every case. I feel in enough cases this is true that we can overlook the very small percentage of times when it is not true and say it’s true. Any time a swinger wants you to go to a second location with them, bar, house, abandoned quarry, they want to fuck you.

Same thing happened to us on the last lifestyle cruise we went on. On the cruise!

Speaking of cruises, my wife and I will be on the Fantasea Cruise from February 11 – 17^th. I am not selling anything for them and they aren’t paying me. Just saying if you are on that ship, come find me, say hi. I will be hanging out at the Risque Lifestyle events. Cruises. The last cruise we went on, that last day, lots more people talked to us. Lots more attention that night. The witching hour is fucking real.

Back to Risque, my friend and I are standing off to the side of the dance floor, vibing, enjoying her radiant company. She is one of those people that lights up a room, even in a dark ballroom. I get a tan standing next to her. She tells me she got propositioned by a dude she has not talked to all night, never seen this dude before. I look at her and ask really. She says yes, he walked over, did a quick introduction of his wife and asked if my friend and her husband wanted to go back to their room. She tells me to watch out, the witching hour has started. And of fucking course that had to become an episode.

For the lifestyle, the witching hour is the moment in the night when the whole crowd realizes what time it is, what they want to do in the remaining time they have left, and they need to find someone to fuck. Jason, that sounds crass. No. It’s honest. Motherfuckers who ain’t talked to you all night long are going to become very chatty. The question of “what is your play style” is going to float through the air a lot. People will straight up ask, want to go up to our room for a drink. Want to go back to your room? And the ever popular Want to fuck?

Dudes. My dudes. I have it on good authority from every woman I know, and I have surveyed them all. Want to fuck? Women don’t like that question. I respect being direct, I am direct. Not like that. The general consensus from women is that, that question dries out their vaginas. It is not a wise thing to say, and it will not work. If it does work, probably has more to do with the amount of alcohol someone drank versus actual attraction.  

Back to the story. I watched as couples started bouncing around. Talking more, socializing more. Leaning in to ask questions. Then the exodus begins. Two by two couples leave the ballroom to head upstairs, never to return. The whole game plays out over the course of an hour, leaving behind the ones who want to keep dancing and raving or those who struck out, still clinging to hope.

To my vanilla listeners who are very confused right now. Yes, I said two minutes ago some disparaging comments about asking want to fuck. That still stands. To those vanilla people who are wondering about this. Yes. Depending on the circumstances and the people, asking for sex and then having sex, is very easy. This is not an insult on anyone. Not meant that way. Some people are down to fuck. All it takes is asking. Establish a few ground rules and boundaries and that is it. There is no long-winded conversation, don’t need to know personal details besides if you have a latex allergy. They want to fuck. You want to fuck. So you fuck. It’s direct and simple. It happens. Total happens.

I know porn can misrepresent the lifestyle a lot. But this. This does happen.

The witching hour ain’t just a lifestyle thing. It happens at bars when at closing time and the lights come on. Last calls. Last chances. Humans haunted by endings they can’t handle.

For the lifestyle people listening, the witching hour should be your last shot at finding strange for the night, not your first. If you suddenly remember that you are swinger after midnight and decide it is time to go find a friend for the night, you fucked up. That is not to say you can’t find a friend during the witching hour, but this is gambling and we need to put the odds in our favor. This also applies to sex clubs and parties and wherever you may be.

The witching hour is not really about sex. Sex is just the act. This hour is about fear, ego, loneliness, the call of lust mixed with hope colliding in a single moment. People stop pretending to not care, stop pretending they don’t know what the fuck they are here for and start revealing realness. They want to fuck.

Should you line up fun for the night ahead of time? Maybe. Yes. No. Depends. Nice vague answer right there. If you have a friend already designated for the night, then you don’t have to worry about the witching hour. This is relatively easy. Line up the fuckery ahead of the party. Be clear and concise on expectations.

Hey tonight, we would like to go upstairs with you and your spouse and engage in horizontal cardio. Are you open to this idea? They will say Yes, no or maybe. Yes, is good. No, it is actually good. This means you are now free to pursue other interests. Maybe sucks. Maybe is the worst answer. Too many variables in play to determine on your side of the equation, what the fuck will be happening later.

For many people, the ones who went through the trouble to dress up, get a night away, find somewhere to put the kids, buy tickets, buy drinks, the witching hour is their last chance to get laid. Lay the groundwork for the witching hour before it starts. Talk to people. Socialize. Get a feel for people. Then go talk to your spouse about it.

I see people fuck this up. Picking on men here but women can do this too. A dude will spend a long time chatting up a couple, feeling them out, locking down interest and then bring them to his wife for her approval. This is wrong and bad and dumb. First that dude spent all this time talking to a couple that may not pay off, could be a waste of time. Second, his wife was not involved in these discussions at all. So now she has to do a rapid assessment of whether that other dude should be allowed to put his penis inside her. Third, that other couple is now in a spot where they don’t know what is happening. The other couple might double down into sales mode and try to convince the wife to join them. Or they could be turned off by the blatant lack of communication and synergy between these couples.

Do the initial socializing as a couple. Do it as a team. You are looking for couples that you think you could click with later. We are not committing to anyone at this point. Feeling out the situation. And don’t worry, because people are doing this to you. At the same time. This also happens at house parties.

When the witching hours start there are a couple of different types of people I have seen operating at these events. The hunters. They know what they want. They will either be direct or indirect. I can tell you every fucking conversation you have during the witching hour with someone you don’t know, or even someone you do know, every conversation, could be a prelude to fuckery.

The hunters, they are looking to get laid. They will run through couples quickly. They hit up a couple, that couple says no, they bounce to the next one. Your personality does not matter in this. Either willing to engage or not. Binary operation for hunters. They don’t care where you work, your hobbies, the last time you changed the oil in your car. Want to fuck, yes or no.

I have seen men do this solo, as in they find a couple then bring them back to their wife or I have seen the couples work as a team. The husband talks to the other wife, and the wife works the other husband. Separate and work the game. Being the observant bastard I am, there is some serious coordination in these hunter couples. Body positioning. Touching. Signaling. Then they invite you back to their room. It’s fascinating.

Hunters are the most direct way to find a willing couple for the night. Nothing wrong with it but know what you are doing here, you are indiscriminately trying to find someone to fuck for the night. Promise that sex ain’t going to be good. To be more successful as a hunter, stop waiting till midnight to talk to people. Lay the seeds ahead of time.

If two hunter couples find each other, yah sex! That’s how most interactions happen during the witching hour. Two couples find each other and then disappear to another room. This goes back to talk to your spouse before the event or party. Set clear boundaries with each other so you know how to operate in these moments. If y’all want to go hunting for the night, do it. There will be other hunters in the room you can click with.

Got to be the bad guy here and tell you there is a difference between confidence and desperation. The witching hours make people forget that. People stop caring about chemistry and connection, and vibes and consent and emotional safety. They just want a yes from someone, anyone. Don’t be flattered here. You are an option not a choice in this situation.

Let’s dispense with any subtlety here. A lot of people go to swinger events because they are swingers and want to have sex with other people. Simple. It’s not complicated. And the next type of people you will meet during the witching hour keep it damn simple.

One Question Automaton. This person has a checklist in their head, and they need a series of yes or no answers to questions to continue the conversation. Such as are our play styles compatible, yes. Are you attractive? Yes. Are you attracted to them? No. And that ends the conversation. Can’t even call it a conversation, more of an interrogation, a program run by a computer. Don’t do this. Don’t pepper people with a series of questions. I know if a person asks about our play style within two minutes of talking to us, they want to fuck us. I get it. There is a way to gracefully get the information you want from a conversation, not just a series of questions.

Another person you will find during the witching hour is the Partyers. Just Party. They are not interested. They want to dance all night or have other plans. Make life easier for everyone. If you are at a party and see a hot woman dancing during the witching hour. Think about what she is doing at that moment. While everyone else is trying to find someone to spend a few sweaty regretful minutes with, this woman is dancing. You will probably not convince her to stop dancing and go off to a hotel room with you.

Can’t Catch a Hint Charlies and Endless Conversation Carols. I don’t think I know a Charlie or Carol so I should be safe using their names for examples and alliteration. Okay some people love to talk. Some people don’t realize that the conversation you are currently having with them, is a prelude, an interview for fuckery. Some people don’t catch the hint. I don’t want to say dense, but they just aren’t…not trying to be an asshole here but yeah. They genuinely love talking and want to keep talking. Or they genuinely are not good at transitioning to sexy conversation. Or they don’t quite get it.

If you are a hunter, these people will suck up your precious time. Have an out. Say, oh I need a drink or I need to run to the restroom. Grab your spouse, leave nothing behind and keep searching. Other option is to be direct.

I have had to do this with some ladies. Hey I want to have sex with you at some point tonight. Would you be interested? They say yes, no or maybe. I get an answer. I can then figure out next steps for my night.

Once all the negotiations are done and people start clearing out of these party spaces, you will be left with two groups. The Partier crowd, we already talked about who want to rave and dance all night and the Last Lion. These are the people who did not get lucky during the witching hour and still trying to figure out if they have a shot with anyone. I can say confidently if you are standing in a crowd of partiers, they want to keep partying, and you will probably not have much luck. Go to bed. You will keep on striking out and that will hurt your ego and not feel good. Go to bed. Lick your wounds and try again another time.

This does not encompass everyone. People will get frustrated early and go to bed. People will be wallflowers who are waiting to be approached by a hunter couple. Some people are invisible. They are not hunters or partners. They are watching. Maybe hoping to get noticed or hoping to not get noticed.

Some people are stand offish and then wonder why no one talks to them. Some people gather ten heathens together and go do an orgy. Some people will disappear all night back to their rooms and watch tv. Some people will get shit faced or drunk and be a headache for their spouses.

Oh the alcohol. Dirty filthy alcohol. The witching hour gives those with liquid courage a place to shine. Enough liquor and everything gets blurry and distorted. Boundaries blur. People can get grabby out of desperation. Red flags, those flags that looked really red at the start of the night, might look a little more green with enough white claws and tequila. People say yes to people they would not have said yes to a few hours ago. And come morning, with the pain of a hangover, there is regret.

Still during the witching hour, if you are looking for quick, probably not great sex with strangers, be approachable. Smile, make eye contact. The irony is, the witching hour is when most people will find sex. It is also when the worst sex possible happens. There is no connection, barely a discussion of personal likes and wants, mismatched energy.

One couple is sober, the other is shit faced. Or turns out you ended up with a lady who likes to use teeth on everything. But people still try because loneliness can feel like failure which feels worst than bad sex. Like the kind of sex where you have to go back to your room and finish yourself off. The kind of sex that afterward you are pissed because you sobered up halfway through and realized what you were doing. The kind of sex where you both feel like you took one for the team and nobody won.

And my wife wanted to point out as I was writing this where do I, Jason, fall in all this? I went to bed that night at Risque. My wife wanted to dance all night, and she was safe with friends, so I went up to the room and went to bed like a responsible person. Have I engaged in the witching hour festivities? yep. Probably when we started in the lifestyle, first party we went to, I think we did. We were not successful at it. And have not been successful at finding friends during the witching hour. I know people who are successful. Do not let my lack of success deter you.

I share all this, but I have felt the sting of the witching hour. I have felt the special kind of quiet that comes with loneliness where either you don’t get picked or you never ask or you get picked last. It sucks. Fucking sucks and I am not going to sit here and pretend it doesn’t. Being wanted is not the thing as being chosen. The flip side, you could be the one saying no. You could be the one making a decision not to engage. Been on that side of this too.

The witching hour can be brutal and honest in the worst kind of way.  The witching hour reveals who you are when rejection happens. Suddenly everyone is picking teams for dodgeball, and you and your spouse don’t get picked. Or you strike out all night. Oh no. Does that happen? Yes. I would be a bad podcast host if I told you that you would get lucky 100% of the time. Now you will miss 100% of the shots you don’t take or try or if you stand off to the side and hope or expect people to come to you. That’s why you need to be proactive in this. Fortune favors the bold. Better to be the ones asking instead of waiting to be asked.

Alright. Let’s get real. This is the point where I turn the chair around and sit cool. People used to do that in the 90s in movies. I think I have seen one person do it in real life. Anyway. You may not get picked or asked or you could get turned down during the witching hour. You will be turned down in the Lifestyle. Not everyone will want to have sex with you because of reasons, their reasons. You will strike the fuck out, I know I have so I share this from experience.

Rejection is not a measure of your self-worth or your value or your attractiveness. It is not. The logical brain will tell you this. Your emotional lizard brain will reject this logic. I know it will. It does not feel good.

If you are the person doing the rejection, be kind. Hopefully people get the point with the first no, and you don’t have to escalate to jackass territory. Give people a no and send them on their way. If you are the one being rejected, understand that this other person is allowed to say no to you. The emotional lizard brain will still have it’s feelings hurt.

I wish I could offer some kind of deep wisdom or sage advice for this. I can’t. It just sucks. Some people will keep swinging away, take the no and try again with another couple. Some will get one no and call it a night. Figure out who you are before the party and how many times you plan on swinging that night.

The witching hour is honest. There is a difference between wanting connection and wanting fuckery. This time of the night blurs the line between those two. People tell themselves they are looking for chemistry but really, they just don’t want to go back to their room alone or feeling unwanted.

The witching hour is not kind nor unkind. Some are lucky and some are not. Some hold on to hope. Some give up. By 1am the ballroom is a little emptier. The group of party people have coalesced onto the dance floor. Stranglers hang out in the shadows, afraid to approach each other. Maybe someone had their feelings hurt. Maybe someone did get lucky tonight. The hallways of the hotel are quiet. The screams and moans of sex give way to the quiet hum of air conditioners.

The witching hour is the lifestyle distilled down to a single moment. There is something poetic about it. A question, a simple question, would you like to have sex with me, stretched out, condensed, hanging in the air. I saw this interplay of humanity that night at Risque, I have seen it before at other parties and events. The casual observer of the human condition. There are fumbles, fuck ups and frantic attempts going on in the dark corners of the rooms. I love it.

One last note, in these conversations you may have during this weird hour, ask about testing. These may be totally strangers that you are now asking to fuck around with. Testing should be part of that discussion. Share test results. STDHero is in the process of launching something amazing, something people in the community have been asking for, for years. I will keep everyone posted on this. You will like this.

Thank you for listening and tuning in every week. Make sure you tell a friend about the show. Thank you to the love of my life, my wife who is on this wonderful lifestyle journey with me.

If you want to reach out, ask a question, suggest a topic, send me an email to host@thatotherlifestyle.com. My website is thatotherlifestyle.com.

My personal disclaimer, I am not a medical professional nor a trained and certified.

educator of any kind in any way. I am a guy with a microphone, sharing my personal experiences with you. This podcast is for entertainment purposes only and please join us for the next episode. difference.  Go to STDHero.com, use my promo code TOL15 for 15% your order and get tested.

Whatever you may do today or tonight, I hope you do it with enthusiasm, consent, curiosity and a little bit of spice. You are appreciated, loved and I will see you for the next episode.